At 3rd and D streets, about two blocks from my office, a jail inmate escaped from a prisoner transport bus headed for a court hearing. He then clung to the bottom of the bus. But while making a turn from 3rd Street to the 395 on-ramp, he fell to the road and was killed by oncoming cars.
I'm fascinated that he was able to cling to the underside of the bus -- just like in action movies.
Then again, he didn't cling there long enough for his liking.
For some reason, the expression "Yeah, tell me about it" has come to mean, "Indeed, there is no need to say more." This must be confusing for people learning conversational English.
The New York Post reports that ESPN is considering putting Tony Kornheiser on its Monday Night Football telecast next year.
ESPN officials said if Al Michaels backs out (despite signing an eight-year deal this summer worth $32 million), they'll go with a three-man announcer booth with Mike Tirico, Joe Theismann and Kornheiser. The article adds that the plan would call for Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon to host Pardon the Interruption each week from the game sites.
I'm torn about this development because while I've grown to love Kornheiser, I despise three-man announcer booths.
Do supermarkets put their best check-out clerks in the express lanes or the regular lanes?
One the one hand, express lane cashiers have to be quick, since customers are presumably in a rush. But maybe it's the easiest job since there are so few items to scan.
Of course, shoppers waiting in line behind a customer with a full cart of groceries want the clerks in regular lane to be fast too.
First let me get this out of the way so that SAL doesn't scream at me: Yes, I liked Brokeback Mountain. Now on to the subject of homosexuality, since it's hard to watch this film and not think of Matthew Shepard:
Advocates for the advancement of homosexual awareness and acceptance might expect to be pleased that a love story about two gay cowboys has become a critically acclaimed film. However, I fear that Brokeback Mountain will do the opposite.
The problem is that the film does nothing to clear up the already contentious issue of whether people are born gay or whether they choose the lifestyle on their own. After all, the homosexual acts in the movie take place only once the cowboys are isolated for months in the middle of Wyoming with only sheep, horses and a few cans of beans to keep them company.
A viewer can be forgiven for wondering whether the catalyst for the tryst was desperation loneliness.
Whenever I watch infomercials, I get excited about the silliest products. Yesterday, I got sucked into an NFL Films show on the Best Injuries of 1986. Before I knew it, Jets QB Ken O'Brien was lying on the ground in pain and the NFL Network cut quickly to the Pasta Express, which cooks perfect noodles, vegetables and seafood every time!
Adam would probably yell at me if I got that thing.
"Heavy Words Lightly Thrown," by British librarian Chris Roberts, tells us the true origins of our favorite nursery rhymes.
Being the annoying literalist that I am, I'm disappointed I didn't come up with the idea for this book first. Maybe I'll do a follow-up with some missing verses -- just give me an hour and access to Wikipedia.
But don't worry, parents, not all nursery rhymes are actually about prostitution or illicit sex. Some are about gay prostitution or illicit gay sex.
Cingular Wireless has won a patent on the concept of using simple text "emoticons" on cell phones.
The patent means it will be illegal for any other cell phone company to program a single button for a smiley or frowny face.
:(
During an emergency situation, a medic can take your E-HealthKey and plug it into a USB port to call up the your medical history, drug tests and medication needs. But that's only if you have an E-HealthKey.
It's a neat idea, but I'm not wild about things that make my keychain heavier.
Also, it costs $85 to buy it and $20 per year to have it actually work. Somehow, I doubt this thing will ever catch on.
I was about to share a couple sports-related thoughts (one questioning whether the Steelers are paying Jerome Bettis enough money given his need to reach the Superbowl just so he has a chance to go home to Detroit; and one touting Omar Jacobs as a better NFL prospect than Vince Young), but I stopped because I realized that the interest level might be pretty low.
Our employers and financial institutions have until Jan. 31 to send us all our W-2 and 1099 forms.
As the mail trickles in through the month of January, it's fun to look back at the past year. For instance, dividends on my Bob Evans stock earned me $12.71 this year. How about that!
Do both of these expressions make sense?
You make whipped cream cheese.
You make light cream cheese.
Why don't you make light whipped cream cheese?
She appears to have no navel. SAL thinks maybe her belly button is under her shirt. But if so, wouldn't that be pretty high up?
Maybe it is under her pants. But if so, isn't that pretty low?
One thing is for sure: she can't be very comfortable in those jeans.
Nellie McKay, a family friend who was a world-renowned authority of African-American literature, died Sunday of cancer.
Craig Werner — head of Wisconsin's African-American Studies Department, which McKay used to chair — told the Wisconsin State Journal: "When she came here, there was not a single university that was paying any attention to black women's literature. Now, there isn't a single university that isn't. She helped shape the transition of black women's studies from the margins of awareness to the center of intellectual life."
Interestingly, the story failed to mention the time she helped me with a high school essay on Toni Morrison's "Song of Solomon."
The Great Zucchini is a bit like Seinfeld's Soup Nazi when he orders parents out of the room when they insist on talking during his show.
But the Soup Nazi doesn't wipe his cheek with soiled diapers. Nor does the Soup Nazi blow through his money and have to beg tollbooth attendants for spare change to drive home. (That we know of.)
If you're going to a children's party with the Great Zucchini, please see to it that I get put on the guest list.
Today, Marnie & I each came up with an invention. See if you can guess whose is whose.
Jesus Mulch
The product, as you might guess, is mulch made from discarded Christmas trees. And it will have a special seal on the bag to confirm that no secular trees were used. Between 60 million and 90 million American adults identify themselves as being born-again or evangelical Christians. When these fine Americans go to the store to buy mulch for their garden (or the church playground), they would gladly pick up a bag of Jesus Mulch rather than the competing secular brand.
See-Through Microwave Popcorn Bags
Have you ever watched through your microwave door while your popcorn is popping? Sure, you can see the bag expand, but what fun is that? With a See-Through Microwave Popcorn Bag, you can watch as your little kernels explode and become your movie-time snack.
For just over a year, I've made the same commute to work each morning. Thus, I've had several hundred chances to learn the timing of the traffic signals along the way. And I had learned it pretty well, thank you very much.
This week, they changed the timing.
This week, Kate joined the Web blog world herself.
I can't wait for more entries.
Twice during the pilot episode of Love Monkey, a new hour-long show on CBS, they played a song by Badly Drawn Boy from the soundtrack to About A Boy. I found that interesting for a couple reasons:
Eric R. Danton, the Hartford Courant rock critic, has launched a music-related blog that combines his top-notch pop culture writing with the wit and sarcasm available only in the casual online format of a blog.
But before we heap too much praise, let's remember that he gets paid to put it together.
In the presidential election, both incumbent President Bush and challenger John Kerry could have accepted $75 million public funds in exchange for following the election rules that go with it.
The federal money comes from taxpayers who select the optional $3 payment box on federal tax returns. About one in 11 taxpayers check this box.
Anyway, both candidates opted out because they could raise more money on their own.
Since it was never spent, what happened to that money? Is it a surplus for the next election? Did it just go back to some general fund?
As you know, NBC is airing two episodes of Scrubs each week this spring. Since it bought a full season of 22 episodes, the network instead could have run them as new episodes through the summer. But I like this way better.
Getting two episodes delivered to my TiVo each week allows me to dole them out as I see fit. It's a closer step to NBC just giving viewers the whole season on DVD and letting us decide for ourselves how fast we want to plow through the episodes. (If we like, we can distribute them once per week or dispense them all at once in marathon-like format.)
My building typically gets its U.S. mail delivered between 5 p.m. and 6 p.m. But yesterday, the mailman didn't show up until 6:45 p.m.
Marnie thinks it is because our carrier is lazy.
However, I think it's because our neighborhood has so many new high-rise buildings that the route has gotten tougher. After all, how often does the USPS adjust its routes based on new population-density data?
Sending a "fuck-you" statement to Arrested Development, Fox is putting the show's last four episodes together in a two-hour package airing opposite the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics.
Meanwhile, both ABC and Showtime have offered to pick up the show for next year. ABC's proposal is a 13-episode committment, while Showtime's is for two years and 26 episodes. (Why the short seasons? I dunno.)
Two weeks after I began my TiVo service, a Dutch bank called ING Direct paid Metro $562,350 to make all morning rush-hour train rides free for one day. The bank -- which says it terminates accounts from customers who "clog the phone lines" too much by calling for help and information -- placed ads all over Metro stations that day.
Clearly, the ads worked. Jason was so enchanted by the free ride that he literally gave ING all his money. (That is, he put it in one of ING's FDIC-insured accounts.)
Anyway, I associate the free ride with my TiVo service since ING's tactic is a good example of what companies must do to reach consumers in the TiVo age. In some ways, the intrusiveness of advertisements is annoying. But it's still better than the alternative -- watching live television.
In Chicago, the turnstiles at the CTA are wrapped in advertising. Some parking spots are now painted with advertisements. New gas station pumps force customers to watch video commercials on a 10-inch screen while they're pumping gas. And to ensure that office discussions focus on their products, advertisers have taken out ads on water coolers.
When kissing on the mouth, couples usually tilt their heads slightly and rest their nose to the right of their partner's nose. This allows their faces to get close without their noses bumping.
Do left-handed people put their noses to the left?
Watching sports can be frustrating. What was the coach saying to his players during the Gatorade dump? What was he arguing about with the referee? And what were they discussing for so long during the post-game hand shake?
Watching sports would be a lot more fun if I could read lips.
Does anyone know anything about this DVD?
When I went shopping for a walkman the other day, I came across a discman selling for $9.99.
It's outdated technology, of course. Why walk around with a clunky discman and limit yourself to one CD when you can use an iPod and listen to your whole collection?
Still, that's a pretty good price for a formerly elite item that used to cost $129.
Can you think of other items that have fallen that far in price over the last 10 years?
By now, you know what I thought of Mike Sherman. (I hated him but didn't think he should have been fired.)
Green Bay has reportedly replaced him with Mike McCarthy, who perhaps got the job by literally kissing up to Brett Favre.
Here's what we know about McCarthy: He was the 49ers offensive coordinator last year, and for the Saints for the four previous years. Before that, he served as Green Bay's designated Favre sideline kisser in 1999.
Here's what we don't know: Has he ever played the Madden NFL video game by EA Sports? I fully believe the inability of many coaches to be aware of the concept of clock-management is due to the lack of experience playing video games.
If he plays Madden (or ESPN 2K5, as Mike B. points out), then he's okay by me.
Unfortunately, we're not likely to find out for awhile.
Upon reading my complaint about bumpers, Matt Maddox (whomever he is) kindly offered a partial solution: Buy a BumperPad.
The problem with this $104 product is that it is not waterproof. And the instructions recommend against using it while driving.
Sadly, even with those huge caveats, the BumperPad would have paid for itself that day in Arlington.
Let's say you are about to exit glass doors of a building lobby to go outside to the street.
Typically, if someone is entering the building through the doors, it is common courtesy for her to let you exit before they enter. This is the real life version of baseball's a-tie-goes-to-the-runner.
Anyway, you are about to exit. As you ready to push the door open, you see that someone from the outside has already opened the door. Per the rules outlined above, they must first let you leave before they enter. Thus, you make your way through the doorway. You do it quickly, of course, so that the person (let's call her Pam) can enter.
At this moment, Pam is holding the door open for you. And you've made no effort to hold the door because you could see it was already taken care of.
To be nice, you say "thank you" to Pam at this moment.
But let's look at the facts for a moment:
It's NFL playoff season, which means it's time for mayors to make stupid bets with rival cities.
When the Redskins beat the Eagles to make the playoffs, Washington Mayor Anthony Williams won four Philly cheesesteaks from Philadelphia Mayor John Street. With last week's playoff win against the Buccaneers, Williams won Cuban sandwiches from the city of Tampa.
This week, Williams stands to win salmon from Seattle's Pike Place Market if the Redskins beat the Seahawks. (All the while, Williams has been putting up four chili dogs from Ben's Chili Bowl as collateral.)
A few questions:
I have never in my life paid for Internet service.
Lately, Marnie & I have been stealing borrowing a neighbor's wireless Internet connection. But next week, Marnie & I will become proper subscribers to our building's wireless T1 service.
When complaining about basketball referees giving an advantage to home teams, many people stupidly point out a discrepancy in fouls to make the case that the officiating is unfair. Such reasoning is faulty since it assumes both teams truly commit the same number of fouls and ideally should be penalized evenly.
But that is rarely the case.
Usually, the team losing at the end of a game commits fouls in an attempt to catch up, making it a useless benchmark to rate officiating. Thus, a fairly officiated game does not mean the fouls should be distributed evenly.
There is a Bed Bath & Beyond store coming to my neighborhood, about six blocks from my house.
There's nothing I need from that store. And in fact, I probably couldn't tell it apart from others like it that I've seen at the mall, such as Linens 'n Things.
But my part of the world doesn't have stores like that. If someone in my neighborhood needs a set of bed sheets, I have no idea what I'd recommend. And thus, I welcome the Bed Bath & Beyond to the area.
(In the ongoing debate, score one point for retail chains.)
For $120, you can buy an ergonomic snow shovel that won't hurt your back to use. Granted, you can find a pretty good snow blower for that price. But this thing looks like more fun to use.
Click here to watch the Wovel (rhymes with shovel) in action.
Last July, a car pulling out of a parking spot hit my car in the parking lot of Bob & Edith's diner in Arlington. I was in the car at the time waiting for a parking spot.
In my mind, the "crash" took place in slow motion, but perhaps that's because the car was only moving at about 5 mph.
Anyway, it caused some minor paint scrapes on my front bumper. Given what my dad had already done to the car in the 1990s, it was hard to notice the difference. But the accident caused $400 worth of damage (kindly paid for by the other driver), which I finally got fixed last month.
But it shouldn't have come to that.
Why don't cars have actual rubber bumpers anymore? Is there a useful reason why car bumpers are metallic and no longer protrude from the bodywork of the car, thus making scratches more easily noticed? I miss the days, not that I ever witnessed them, of the old-fashioned car bumper.
Camper, the Spanish footwear company, has opened a restaurant in Barcelona serving nonperishable supernutritious balls of food that are meant to provide all the nutrition needed for an entire day. At FoodBall, guests are served a tiny rice sphere stuffed with chicken, tofu or seaweed.After ordering a replacement and having the wrong model show up at my door, I found my walkman this week.
Phew.
This week, New England's Tom Brady said, "I think we've been probably disrespected more than any team in the league this year."
It's easy to see the irony, since Brady's team has won two consecutive Superbowls and just last month Brady himself was crowned Sports Illustrated's Sportsman of the Year. What bothers me is that Brady didn't say his team is the most unjustly disrespected team. He said simply "disrespected."
But plenty of teams don't merit much respect. For example, the Houston Texans won only 2 of 16 games this season. The Texans properly deserve to be disrespected.
Washington Business Journal writes: "Dupont Circle is losing its luster. The area remains attractive because of the tourists. However, then they get there and have nowhere to go but Starbucks, Subway and Johnny Rockets. This may please some, but not someone looking for wild and crazy, a taste of something different from home."
This is an overreaction, of course. Dupont Circle has plenty of character and local establishments unique to D.C. that aren't national chains. The article attacks retail chains such as Ann Taylor Loft and Benetton as being stores that "seem much more at home in a mall." It stands to reason that the author isn't crazy about the similar development of chain restaurants and stores along 7th Street in Chinatown.
But what's wrong with a strip of restaurants and shopping? Why should D.C. residents have to drive to a suburban mall to buy clothes? And in any case, was 7th Street more useful to the city when it was lined with boarded-up buildings?
I like the kind of shower curtain that stays where it is.
(As opposed to the kind that forces you to fend off unwanted advances as it moves toward you and clings to your body as you bathe.)
After you go to the bathroom, you wash your hands.
But it's not quite that simple. Between those two tasks, you must pull up your pants, re-adjust your clothes, open the stall door and turn on the faucet.
But if your hands are dirty and in need of washing (and I think we can agree that they are, in this scenario), you must perform all of those intermediary tasks with dirty hands. Washing your hands later, of course, doesn't prevent your dirty hands from touching your pants, your clothes, the stall door and the faucet.
What's to be done?
Thanks to TiVo's 30-second skip button, I watched a lot of bowl games over the last week: the Insight Bowl, the MPC Computers Bowl, the Alamo Bowl, the Holiday Bowl, the Music City Bowl, the Sun Bowl, the Peach Bowl, the Cotton Bowl, the Capitol One Bowl and the Fiesta Bowl.
A few weeks ago, I told you that I was most excited to watch the Cotton Bowl due to Michael Lewis's love for the Texas Tech offense. But although the game ended with a game-winning field goal as time expired, it was disappointing to see the lack of an explosive offense Lewis predicted.
The Green Bay Packers fired Mike Sherman this morning. I've hated Sherman since the beginning, so I should be happy. But I'm not.
Sherman took over for Ray Rhodes, who was the Packers coach for only one season before getting fired. That season, Sherman -- who had served as Green Bay's tight ends coach in 1997-98 -- was Seattle's offensive coordinator. The next year, Green Bay made Sherman its head coach. And the following year, the team let him be general manager too.
So my first reason to be suspicious of Sherman was that he had gone from tight ends coach to head coach & GM in about 12 seconds.
Also, as an offensive-minded coach his time-management skills were atrocious.
For years, I've wanted him fired. And it finally happened this morning.
But it happened for the wrong reasons. He wasn't fired because the team realized that his ineptitude at clock-management was costing the team games. He was fired because the Packers finished with its worst record in 14 seasons.
And while it's true that this year's 4-12 was miserable, it wasn't really the result of poor coaching. Instead, it can be attributed to the culmination of several years of terrible drafts and a run of bad luck with injuries.
The poor drafts were Sherman's fault, since he was running those drafts as GM. But he's no longer GM. So firing him as coach makes no sense.
Also, few 4-12 teams in NFL history have played as hard down the stretch as Green Bay did this year. That is a credit to Sherman as a coach.
But what's done is done. My preferred choices for Sherman's replacement is Mike Singletary or Kirk Ferenz. Still, my prediction is that it will be Jim Bates.
